Healing my brokenness

In life when you're trying to overcome brokenness it is very easy to allow moments of goodness to cause you to let your guard down. For instance tax season...you have your return and all of these plans that can get you back on track financially. Initially you are doing good; you've paid bill after bill after bill and it feels good so you break your budget and treat yourself to a thing or two...suddenly those not so high on the list financial goals become less important. You start to reason why it's okay because you paid all of the main bills...you let your guard down. Just like when you're trying to leave someone alone. You finally find the courage to pull back, but as soon as the person seems to be getting it you let your guard down and end up right back where you were before. I've said all of this to remind myself and whoever else may need to hear this don't let your guard down when you're overcoming brokenness it will set you back!!!

Coming in to 2018 I didn't have any specific goals. I just knew I needed to start living my life better than I had been. It was time to move on from the fire and let go of the hurt feelings I had towards the people that weren't there for me in my time of need. It was time to stop making excuses for not living up to my full potential. It was time to stop living in my brokenness and overcome my issues like I have done so many times in the past. It was time to try to heal my brokenness . This past weekend I took some major steps towards helping myself emotionally. I talked to my husband about what I felt we needed to change to save our marriage. I didn't focus on what I wanted from him because I focused more on what I wasn't giving him and what I needed to fix. I've learned over the years that playing the blame game does more harm than good and 90% of the time if you work on you the people around you will begin to work on them or remove themselves from your life. I r

12 years ago I was at a vulnerable time in my life and was blessed to meet my husband and best friend. We were both coming from bad breakups and trying to figure out how to trust and love again. We started out as friends...honest and blunt about what we had been through and not looking to be in a relationship anytime soon...or so we thought because 9 months later we were getting married. Something drew us together despite neither one of us knowing what we were really getting ourselves in to. He has loved me through my brokenness and continues to love me at times when I don't feel like I can love myself. We have been through so many things that were designed to tear the strongest couples apart, but we are still standing strong. I love my husband with all my heart and would rather continue to grow with him then to start over with someone else. I pray everyday for God to show me how to be the wife my husband needs so that he may be the husband I need. Don't get me wrong there a

There are times in life when your path to your goals will be tested by tragedy, negative people, unforeseen circumstances, and whatever else life may throw your way, but you have to stay focused on your goals no matter what. I am dealing with one of those times right now and I know it's God testing me to see if I can be a woman of my word. He wants to know that I can live by the same advice I give my children, my friends, and many others who are in various places in their lives and I can honestly say that I can stay focused on my goals despite this obstacle I am currently being faced with. I am in control of my destiny and I will not let anyone else make my decisions for me. I will continue to hold my head high and keep working towards the goals that I have set for myself and my family!

Wednesday must have been the tipping point of this rough patch because I honestly did not feel like I had the strength to keep fighting. I can honestly say things are starting to look up for my family and I feel a lot better. I know we still have a ways to go, but the fact that I'm still standing strong has helped turn my mood around! I had to go through those emotions on Wednesday to get back to a place of peace. Feeling like I was failing helped me remember how much I have accomplished since moving to Texas. Not having the strength to go on helped me dig deep to pull out strength I didn't know I had. Being at rock bottom has helped me appreciate the little things that I've once taken for granted. I am determined to make this year my best one yet because I have goals that I will accomplish for myself and my family. I want my kids to look at me and see a positive example of a strong black woman. I want my kids to know that they can accomplish anything they put their minds

I am mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. Quitting seems like a viable option. The only thing that's keeping me going is my faith in God and his promises to me, but at what point is that not enough? It seems that no matter how hard I fight to get up something keeps knocking me down. It's so discouraging and overwhelming. I'm emotionally numb because I know if I allowed myself to feel I would be an emotional mess, but how long can I go on like this? I try to tell myself life is hard and things could be worse because I know they could, but I'm tired of being stagnant. No matter what I do I just can't seem to catch a break. I feel like I need a do over, but that's not possible. I have to play the hand I was dealt. I know that I if I keep showing up everyday eventually the day will come when all of this will be a distant memory, but I pray that day comes sooner than later because I feel like giving up!

Today my grandmother got admitted to the hospital. I was in the middle of putting groceries away when the dialysis nurse called to tell me they had to send her to the emergency room by ambulance. At that moment all I could do was thank God for my coworker who's been kind enough to let me borrow her car and thank God that the hospital they sent her to is the same one I work at so I wouldn't have to miss my whole shift. When I say I've grown so much I really mean it because the not so long ago me would have been freaking out. Maybe it's because I probably would not have had a way to get to the hospital to my grandmother with my truck being out of commission. Maybe it's because I probably would have had to miss my whole shift. Or maybe it's because my faith wasn't strong enough yet. Either way I am truly thankful that God is continuing to help me find the good in all this mess because without it I would be a nervous wreck. Praying for things to get easier for

The past few weeks have been filled with me trying to overcome the day to day challenges of not having a vehicle and getting caught up on past due bills. Some days have been extremely difficult and discouraging, but I'm still moving forward! I have created a plan that we will continue to follow that will help get my family back on track. I have set-up guidelines and chores for my children when it comes to schoolwork and housework. They are having a difficult time adjusting, but we all need the extra structure. Getting our lives back on track is a slow, but steady process and I'm in it for the long haul!!!