Healing my brokenness

I AM STRONG I AM A LOVER I AM A NURTURER I AM A FIGHTER I AM LIFE I AM LOVE I FALL SHORT AT TIMES I MAKE MISTAKES I WILL FAIL AT TIMES I WILL NOT QUIT I WILL BEND BUT... I WILL NOT BREAK!

As I reflect on the last year of my life I began to realize just how strong Tajai really is. Year 32 was a year full of trials and tribulations.... I had a house fire 6/28/17, hysterectomy due to fibroids on 6/30/17, kidney stone removal and temporary stent placed on 7/31/17, major relocation halfway across the country after living in a hotel for 31 days because we lost our home after the fire, and as soon as things started to turn around for my family boom 👊 my gallbladder starts acting up and I had to have it removed 6/18/18....yes I've experienced depression, anxiety, doubt, hopelessness, and a variety of other emotions throughout all of this, but I'm still standing strong ready to fight another day! While I was dealing with all of that I still had to be wife, mom, granddaughter, friend, and nurse...some days were definitely harder than others, but I made it!!! I pray that my story can be a motivation to others...no matter what obstacles life throws your way r...

Depression is ugly. I hate it, but unfortunately it's been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. The advantage of being diagnose with depression is that I'm more aware of my moods and can tell when it's coming; most of the time. The disadvantage is that it's getting old and when it does happen to sneak up on me it hits hard! I no longer feel like I want to hurt myself and I do know that these negative feelings will pass, but being depressed still sucks. No matter how positive I've tried to think or act today this storm cloud that's hanging over me just keeps growing and growing 😔 Ultimately all I can do is keeping pushing forward and trust that God will see me through this!!!

As I've worked on repairing myself over the past few months I've decided to use materials that are not easily broken so that the new and improved me would be even more indestructible! Realizing that the devil continuously attacks me because he wants to prove to God that his loyal soldiers can be pushed to a point of brokenness I must make sure that I'm prepared for these attacks! I try my best to keep my armor handy because I never know when a war will break loose. I have to get back to reading my Bible daily and going to church on my Sunday's off because those are essential to keeping me spiritually strong 💪 ! I'm writing this to say that I don't expect to live in a world where challenges don't come because perfection doesn't exist. I just want to be in a place where I'm prepared to face life's challenges. I want my children to be prepared for the different obstacles they will face and I'm going to do everything within my power ...

I wish my hair was long like hers. I wish I drove his car. I wish I had that job. Her body looks better than mines. His parents treat him better than mines treat me. Well what if I told you people have been pulling her hair since she was a little girl. He lives in his car because he couldn't afford his rent and his car payment. She's has Crohns disease and feels miserable all the time. His father hits his mom and rapes him. THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE ! In this day and age with so much access to each others lives via social media it's a lot easier to compare yourself and your life to someone else and their life. Doing this can cause us to think we're just not good enough or that our lives are bad because we're not doing what everyone else is doing. We do it at Christmas time. We do it during the summer when people go on vacations. We see it on #mancrushmonday and #womancrushwednesday. It's honestly time to stop putting so much stock in w...

On my usual morning ride today I couldn't help but notice how much the fields have changed over the past few months. Back in March I could tell the farmers were beginning to get their land prepared for next years harvest because they would be out at 6am with their plows and sprinklers treating the soil. After about a week of seeing this every day we experienced a cold front and the soil they had been working so hard on froze up! I was devastated for them. A few days later I noticed that when the temperature started going back up the farmers were right back to their early morning prep work and amazingly the soil was already back to being soft and ready to use. At that moment I realized that the only way they would see a harvest next year was to get up and keep moving forward. Wasting time dwelling on the time that was lost on those cold mornings would of only slowed things down more. I am thankful that God has allowed me to watch a field go from being cold, hard, and dead to warm, ...

A dream deferred does not mean that you are now living a nightmare or are unable to live that dream in the future; it means that you are wise enough to recognize that now isn't the right time. It means that you are willing to give yourself the time you need to develop into the person you dream of becoming. It means that you are trusting God enough to know that his time is always the right time. Simply put, it means that you're willing to go through something to get somewhere!!! Right now I'm living life as a wife, mother, granddaughter, and nurse who can't wait to go back to school to further my nursing career, but that dream is deferred for a few valid reasons and I'm okay with that. Yes, it occasionally bothers me when I see other people adding more letters behind their name; but I use those feelings as motivation that my dream is still possible and will happen one day. I see so many people struggling to enjoy life because they're not happy with their curren...