Happily ever after or so I thought....

-

After almost 13 years of marriage I found myself living the life of a single mother to three children about three weeks ago. That first week was hard because not only did I have my children to care for I also take care of my 74 year old immobile grandmother who goes to dialysis three times a week. I was an emotional wreck...my feelings ranged from anger, anxiety, bitterness, happiness, and depression, but I remained strong for the people depending on me! Things were hectic in my household to say the least, but we all survived and my kids were ready for their first day of school the following Monday! My husband was over the road, my marriage was in the worst place it's ever been, and I was ready to completely let go, but God starting talking to me and my vows kept going through my head so I decided that if my husband was willing to put God first than maybe our marriage could in fact be saved. Now we have a ways to go, but we're taking things one day at a time!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Broken beyond repair

-
At times I wonder if I'll ever be fixed...will I break the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck? Will I raise children that do not have to recover from their childhood? Will my marriage happily last till death do us part? Will I overcome depression and anxiety? Will I die happy? The answer is within me and that's the honest truth. It will require hardwork, determination, faith, consistency, and the ability to live outside of my comfort zone until I begin to see my dreams come true. The crazy thing is I've done it before. Throughout all the adversity I've faced in my 32 years of life I've accomplished a lot of goals that people didn't think I would. I graduated from high school with a scholarship to the college I wanted to go to. I have my associates degree in general studies. I completed the LPN program after withdrawing due to personal reasons my first go round. I've overcame a lot of obstacles in my marriage that would have broken many homes. I forgave m
Read more

I want to give up...

-
I am mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. Quitting seems like a viable option. The only thing that's keeping me going is my faith in God and his promises to me, but at what point is that not enough? It seems that no matter how hard I fight to get up something keeps knocking me down. It's so discouraging and overwhelming. I'm emotionally numb because I know if I allowed myself to feel I would be an emotional mess, but how long can I go on like this? I try to tell myself life is hard and things could be worse because I know they could, but I'm tired of being stagnant. No matter what I do I just can't seem to catch a break. I feel like I need a do over, but that's not possible. I have to play the hand I was dealt. I know that I if I keep showing up everyday eventually the day will come when all of this will be a distant memory, but I pray that day comes sooner than later because I feel like giving up!
Read more

I want my parents

-
I've spent most of my life wishing my parents were more involved in my life than they are. After I was born they both fell victim to drug addiction which forced me to be raised by my grandparents. I would only see my mother on holidays if I was lucky and I saw my dad just about every other weekend, but as I entered my teenage years things began to change. I'll admit I was a very rebellious teenager and didn't have a lot of guidance because my grandmother didn't know how to handle that area of parenting. Being an orphan at 13 and not raising her own children gave her the impression that once I hit thirteen I could make my own decisions. During this time my grandfather had also just moved out so my emotions were all over the place. Although my dad was now sober he had very little tolerance for disrespect so instead of helping me get my life on track he isolated himself from me and told me I was no longer welcomed in his home at the age of fifteen....boy did that hurt.
Read more