Healing my brokenness

Many of you know I have been on my health and fitness journey for almost 10 years now. For the first 7 years of my journey I tried every diet out there. I would lose a little weight and gain double that amount back. Needless to say by 2016 my life was controlled by whatever number was on the scale. That is when I decided it was time to stop dieting and start making lifestyle changes. This morning when I weighed myself I was overcome with emotions because I honestly don't care what the scale reads anymore. Here's the post I shared on my health and fitness IG page: When you're fighting to lose weight this number right here can define how your day, week, or month will go IF YOU LET IT!  Living a healthy lifestyle is not about that number at all. It's about how you feel each day. How your clothes fit. What progress you've made. As your body changes you will see the number on the scale fluctuate based on what you eat, what you drink, your hormones, the time of day,...

One thing I've learned over the past 33 years is that life can be extremely hard at times. Some of these trials and tribulations we go THROUGH are caused by other people's actions and/or decisions and others we bring on ourselves. Regardless why they happen things can reach a point where they seem impossible at times; even the most faithful, spiritual, happy person can experience periods of hopelessness, depression, self-doubt, and other negative emotions that break us and keep us in an undesirable place in life. Personally I have grown tremendously from overcoming so many challenges that I've witnessed break other people. I was raised by my grandparents because neither one of my parents were fit to raise me, I was bullied as a child, I acted out in school, I started doing adult things at thirteen years old, I had three children by the time I was twenty-three, I've had struggles in my marriage, I've been taking care of my grandmother for a long time, and I've fa...

This week challenged me down to my core ...for the first time in a while I dealt with suicidal thoughts and felt that my family would be better off without me, but God used my love and dedication to my children to save me! My ultimate goal as a mother has been to provide my children with a biological mother who is a positive presence in their lives because I did not have the constant presence of my biological mother until I was sixteen years old and the sixteen years that my biological mother has been present have not been the easiest to say the least. Killing myself would permanently destroy my goal and create a future for my children that I have dreaded way before I was even pregnant with my son....having to grow up in this cold world motherless! Absolutely not at my own hands! The idea of me taking myself from them because "life is too hard" is selfish and the unconditional love I have for my children is selfless , so something wasn't adding up. I needed t...

This past month has been one of the most overwhelming months I've had since last year and I'm feeling it mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Despite knowing that things will get better as long as I continue to stay positive and keep my faith I am guilty of feeling defeated from time to and today was one of those days. For starters I overslept and missed an important appointment, but the day still needed to go on as planned. My grandmother's Home Health nurse, OT, PT, and prosthetic tech all came today before noon, I've had a migraine since I woke up, my mother-in-love is here from out of town, and I'm scheduled to work 38 hours over the next 3 days...so yes today I cried a few tears and had a moment where I felt like giving up may be the better option, but my goals and the people I have depending on me are more important than any stressful day!I will continue to work on being the best wife, mother, granddaughter, nurse, coworker, and friend I can be...

As I sit and brew my morning cup of coffee on my keurig that has been broken for over a month I reflect on all I did to restore it back to its working form. Most people would of thrown it out after descaling it and getting no results. I mean it is over 5 years old, was given to me, and would of given me an excuse to buy a newer one; but I believe in problem solving and restoration so I descaled it again and allowed the vinegar to soak in the machine for a few days before attempting to flush it through and guess what....it worked! This same principle can be applied to the obstacles we will face in life. Sometimes you have to try multiple times and multiple ways to get through something. Whether it's achieving your career goals, losing weight, learning a new hobby, restoring a broken marriage, recovering from an illness, or learning how to do your own make-up if you want to be great at something you have to be willing to push past failures and try again. I would not be where I am to...

I AM STRONG I AM A LOVER I AM A NURTURER I AM A FIGHTER I AM LIFE I AM LOVE I FALL SHORT AT TIMES I MAKE MISTAKES I WILL FAIL AT TIMES I WILL NOT QUIT I WILL BEND BUT... I WILL NOT BREAK!

As I reflect on the last year of my life I began to realize just how strong Tajai really is. Year 32 was a year full of trials and tribulations.... I had a house fire 6/28/17, hysterectomy due to fibroids on 6/30/17, kidney stone removal and temporary stent placed on 7/31/17, major relocation halfway across the country after living in a hotel for 31 days because we lost our home after the fire, and as soon as things started to turn around for my family boom 👊 my gallbladder starts acting up and I had to have it removed 6/18/18....yes I've experienced depression, anxiety, doubt, hopelessness, and a variety of other emotions throughout all of this, but I'm still standing strong ready to fight another day! While I was dealing with all of that I still had to be wife, mom, granddaughter, friend, and nurse...some days were definitely harder than others, but I made it!!! I pray that my story can be a motivation to others...no matter what obstacles life throws your way r...