I want my parents

I've spent most of my life wishing my parents were more involved in my life than they are.
After I was born they both fell victim to drug addiction which forced me to be raised by my grandparents. I would only see my mother on holidays if I was lucky and I saw my dad just about every other weekend, but as I entered my teenage years things began to change.
I'll admit I was a very rebellious teenager and didn't have a lot of guidance because my grandmother didn't know how to handle that area of parenting. Being an orphan at 13 and not raising her own children gave her the impression that once I hit thirteen I could make my own decisions. During this time my grandfather had also just moved out so my emotions were all over the place.
Although my dad was now sober he had very little tolerance for disrespect so instead of helping me get my life on track he isolated himself from me and told me I was no longer welcomed in his home at the age of fifteen....boy did that hurt. In a matter of three years I had lost three very important men in my life my grandfather, my cousin Curt, and my father.
My mother continued to use drugs until I was sixteen, but got sober after finding out she was pregnant with my now fifteen year old sister. You would of thought that my mother would of done everything in her power to be a positive part of life, but instead she talked down on me because of the way her mom raised me. I was so lost and confused.
By the time I reached my adult years my resentment for them was horrible, but I've tried to make the best of it. Now here I am thirty-two years old wishing they were more involved in me and my children's lives, but I honestly don't think they know how to be. I have forgiven both of them for my younger years and reach out to them more than I probably should, but they still refuse to be a constant part of my life. One of my goals for this year is to learn to completely let go of the hold they have on me. I will never live up to their standards because they don't really know me or what I've been through. It's a hard reality to face, but it's the truth!